I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
only you would photoshop your dick
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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