some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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