Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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