you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
