my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
