I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Watching her eat just hurts me
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
