He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
