You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Can Purell be used as lube?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
