god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My balls are so social today.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
