I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
