i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
