If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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