life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
