what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How does it feel to date your dad?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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