i barfeds in our rink
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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