woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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