there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
