omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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