a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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