its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
