I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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