so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
