I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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