You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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