i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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