literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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