Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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