She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
