I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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