Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
