I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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