apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
