Have you finally orgasmed yet?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
