I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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