Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
