dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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