dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
