you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
