I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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