He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
