How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
