I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
