His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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