I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
