Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
