singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Blow job season was short but glorious.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
