I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
