I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
