I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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