it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
