I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
