I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
