dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
