The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
