so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
