What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
