A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
