Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
