Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
